By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
