i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize