the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
