HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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