I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
