none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
