Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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