Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
