It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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