Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
