i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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