Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Couch. On fire.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
