Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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