New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
