Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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