My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
