yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize