Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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