You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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