Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
