FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
