i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
