the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In other news, I just burned my penis
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
