I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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