i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
