I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
