I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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