Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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