Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
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One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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