Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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