I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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