I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
