he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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