i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
