I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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