she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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