how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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