i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
