I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
