i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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