You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
