Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
