gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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