Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
