Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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