so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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