I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
