Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
