Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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