Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
