On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
