There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
