Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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