I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
