you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
