i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
