what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
