Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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