Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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