Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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