saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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