I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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