Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
